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Why Do Mothers Feel 'Mom Guilt'? Here's 4 Ways To Can Deal With It
Mom's guilt is one of the very common feelings that new mothers feel. However, it is important to not blame yourself for things that sometimes do not go as the way you plan. Parenting is sure not easy, but with the help of a supporting partner, it can be made easy and mothers do not have to feel the mom guilt by doing everything on their own.
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Motherhood can be incredibly rewarding, but it often comes with a hidden weight: mom guilt. This common feeling affects countless mothers, who feel they’re not doing enough or aren’t meeting the impossible standards of parenting. But why does mom guilt happen, and how can you manage it?
Here’s a closer look at its causes, how it affects mental health, and expert advice on overcoming it.
What Causes Mom Guilt?
Mom guilt stems from various triggers, many of which are linked to societal pressures and internal expectations. Some frequent causes of mom guilt include:
- Comparing yourself to other moms.
- Feeling like you're neglecting your children.
- Guilt over disciplining your child.
- Worrying that you’re letting your child watch too much TV.
- Being overwhelmed by everything you have to do.
Dr Dharmesh Shah, mental health expert and Founder and Director of Holistica World, explains that these triggers are intensified by cultural and social messages that paint an unrealistic picture of motherhood. “Cultural messages idealise motherhood, suggesting that a good mother should always sacrifice her own needs for her children,” says Dr Shah. Social media also plays a big part in this, where moms often compare themselves to curated images of "perfect" families, adding to their guilt.
Many mothers also feel bad about things beyond their control, like needing time for themselves or not always being able to stay calm under pressure. When they can't live up to these ideals, the guilt sets in—leading to stress and self-blame.
How Mom Guilt Affects Mental Health
The mental burden of mom guilt can be significant. Guilt may start with worrying about specific situations, like losing your temper with your child or not being as happy as you think you should be. However, over time, it can shift into shame—feeling that you, as a mother, are not good enough.
According to Dr Shah, “Mom guilt often leads to feelings of inadequacy, which can spiral into anxiety or depression if not addressed.” The emotional strain can also lead to rumination, where mothers repeatedly focus on their perceived mistakes, intensifying their guilt. This constant mental weight not only harms a mother’s own well-being but also impacts how she interacts with her children.
Chronic guilt can create a stressful environment at home, making it harder to connect with children in a calm and present way, which may, in turn, lead to even more feelings of guilt.
Tips to Manage Mom Guilt
Managing mom guilt starts with recognising that perfection isn’t the goal, progress is.
Guilt can arise from feeling like you're not always content, overwhelmed, or distracted by other things. But remember, it’s impossible to do everything perfectly.
Dr Shah suggests that mothers focus on being compassionate with themselves: “Instead of striving for perfection, focus on being your authentic self. Embrace your imperfections and model resilience for your children.”
Here are some practical ways to deal with mom guilt:
Challenge unrealistic expectations: When you catch yourself thinking "I should be doing more," remind yourself that it’s okay to set boundaries and care for yourself, too.
Build a support network: Surround yourself with people who understand and can offer reassurance. This can include other mothers, family, or friends.
Prioritise self-care: Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Whether it’s a short break or practicing relaxation techniques, self-care allows you to show up better for your children.
Seek Help From Your Partner
Partners play a crucial role in easing the load of mom guilt. As Dr Shah notes, emotional support and shared responsibilities are key: “Partners need to actively listen and validate the mother’s feelings rather than downplay them.”
Encouraging open communication, helping with household chores, and sharing parenting duties can make a huge difference. By offering mothers time to recharge and stepping in when needed, partners help create a more balanced home life. This, in turn, reduces the overwhelming pressure mothers often feel.
Mom guilt is a common experience that affects mothers from all walks of life. While it can feel overwhelming, it’s important to remember that nobody is perfect. By practicing self-compassion, managing expectations, and building a strong support system, mothers can begin to overcome guilt and focus on being present for their children—without the added burden of impossible standards. As Dr Shah says, “It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being real.”
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Ishita Roy author
Ishita Roy is a lifestyle writer who writes about health, parenting, and relationships and brings interesting profiles. Outside of writing, she enjoys...View More
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